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BUSH AT THE PEARLY GATES
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein,
but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove
who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to
describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably
impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I
use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural
with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!"
he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says,
"Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

GEORGE BUSH SPOTS MOSES
George Bush was visiting Mubarak in Egypt and they were out in the boondocks and George sees an old man with a white
beard and hair in the distance and asks Mubarak, "Isn't that Moses"?
George was so convinced it was Moses that he called out and motioned to the man to come, but the man turned and
started walking away. George, being a jogger, ran after him and caught up to him and stopped him and exclaimed, "You
MUST be Moses".
The man replied, "Go away, the last time I talked to a bush, I had to roam the desert for 40 years."

BUSH AND POWELL IN BAR
A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys
doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WWIII."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smartass! I told you no one would worry about the 140
million Iraqis!"

SADDAM AND GEORGE BUSH MEET UP
Saddam Hussein is touring in the United States [yes, this does seem quite implausible] and meets up with President Bush at
the White House. They discuss current events and then Saddam says to Bush, "You know this United States...It is a
remarkable country! Everywhere I go I see large pictures of myself on walls and windows and all of them say, 'Hooray,
For Saddam Hussein!' I must have seen hundreds of these pictures everywhere praising me."
Bush scratches his head and thinks for moment how this could be and then says to Saddam, "You know the last time I
toured your country I too noticed pictures of myself on windows and buildings everywhere."
"Okay," replied Hussein, "But what did they say?"
"I don't know," replied Bush, "I couldn't read them. I don't read Hebrew.

The Bush Clock
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your
clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two
lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Queen Advises George on Picking Leaders
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is.
She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right question," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony Blair and
says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: 'Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?'"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and goodbye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" "Yes
ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that technique in the future!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to
the test. He summons Jesse Helms. "I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" says Jesse.
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you Sir?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately call a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle
over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here,
son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me of course, you idiot."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's
Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "You're wrong, you idiot. It's Tony Blair!!"

BUSH AND CHENEY MAKE BET
George Bush and Dick Cheney are watching the 6 o'clock news on TV one evening. Cheney bets Bush $50 that the
man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
"I'll take that bet," Bush replied. A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed,
jumped from the building. Cheney, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to Bush and tells him that
he does not need to pay the $50.
"No, a bet's a bet," Bush replied, "I owe you $50 dollars."
Cheney, feeling even more guilty, replied, "No, you don't understand, I saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was
going to turn out."
"That's okay," said Bush, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

BUSH GETS
CODED MESSAGE
FROM SADDAM
After numerous rounds of 'We don't even
know if Saddam is still alive', Saddam
decides to send George W. a letter in his
own writing to let him know that he is still in
the game.
Bush opens the letter and sees only a
coded message: "370HSSV-0773H". He
can't figure it out, so he asks Karl Rove.
Rove suggests that the head of the CIA
would certainly understand code, so Bush
sends it to George Tenet. Tenet, however,
can't figure it out, either. He suggests,
"How about Condi? She has a doctorate,
that means she's smart."
But Dr. Rice is baffled, too. As Bush is
pondering the mysterious message lying on
the desk before him, Colin Powell enters
the Oval Office. When he sees the paper
and reads what is written on it, he asks,
"Sir, where did that come from?"
Bush replies testily, "Supposedly it's a
message from Saddam. But what the hell
does '370HSSV-0773H' mean?"
Powell clears his throat and replies, "Mr.
President, I think you've been looking at
the message upside down."